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Finally, Jared Mees of Tender Loving Empire clued me in: The band is from Boise, they're called Magic Sword, and they're apparently awesome. I began to hear rumors of these mysterious beings hosting rogue dance parties around town during MusicfestNW. But then, I started seeing that sword logo on fliers all over town. Apparently, these druids had severely overestimated my amusement with gimmicky marketing shenanigans. Inside was a roll of film, with a $10 bill attached.

It dawned on me that I had been warned of their arrival: A few days earlier, I received an email from someone identifying themselves only as "The Messenger," who promised I would "be visited by a masked figure bearing gifts." At the time, I assumed it was spam.Ī week later, another "gift" arrived in my mailbox, with the same business card taped to the envelope. A pair of faceless druids sheathed in black cloaks were kneeling before the front desk, offering me a plastic light saber and a business card with the image of a medieval sword on the front and a YouTube address on the back, which led to a video of man with bulging eyes spewing fantastical sub-Tolkien nonsense. During what turned out to be the United States' final game of the World Cup earlier this year, the receptionist at Willamette Week came upstairs to pull me away from the office television.